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    Maya Angelou

    "When someone shows you who they are, believe..." - Maya Angelou quotes from BrainyQuote.com

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

    Maya Angelou

    Time Relationship Believe First Time

    Related Topics

    First, Shows, Someone, Them, Who, You

    Related Authors

    Robert Frost, Walt Whitman, Edgar Allan Poe, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Langston Hughes, T. S. Eliot, Audre Lorde, Amanda Gorman


    American - Poet April 4, 1928 - May 28, 2014

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    When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them

    Think you can change people? As Maya Angelou said, when they show you who they are, believe them the first time.

    When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them

    By Dina Strada

    “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou

    I remember first hearing these words in my early twenties. I heard them. I just didn’t follow them. Hence, I brought myself a whole lot of painful lessons and needless suffering because I always wanted to give people a second chance, and a third, and a fourth … You get the picture.

    I was the girl who always saw the “potential” in people. The person they “could” be, with a little love and nurturing from yours truly. I considered myself to be one of the most loving, loyal, and big-hearted people out there. And besides, there were very few things I truly wanted that I went after and didn’t get.

    I suffered many disappointments and even more heartbreaks because of this, both in friendships and romantic relationships.

    I expected people to change just because I thought they should be or feel a certain way. But at that point in my spiritual journey, I hadn’t yet learned that everyone is on their own path, and sometimes their soul just isn’t in alignment with yours.

    When I fell for some guy and had it made up in my mind that he was “it,” I made a lot of excuses for his behavior, which was never in alignment with what I was looking for. Well-meaning friends would warn me in the beginning: “He doesn’t sound like a good match for you. His behavior seems a little sketchy.” Did I listen?

    No. My ego was way too big. Sure, I saw the behavior. I even saw the red flags. But I thought I was “different.” I was so special that I felt I could change that person… just by being wonderful, amazing me.

    NOTE TO SELF: When people show you who they are, believe them the first time!

    I married someone after seeing all the red flags in the very beginning. Behavior that didn’t add up to what I was being told, behavior in past relationships that was not filled with integrity. But there was so much about him that was good and pure, and the love and passion we had for each other was real and intense.

    I truly believed that people could change. And they can. But more importantly I believed I was different, and that behavior would never exist again now that he was with me.

    It should be no surprise that the marriage ended and was the most devastating and painful loss of my life. But that was the moment I started to live by Maya Angelou’s mantra.

    The dating world after divorce is a lot of things—exciting, fun, scary, sometimes horrible, but most of all, a test. How much have you learned from your previous relationships? And what are you going to do differently this time around?

    For me, I learned a lot, but I have blind spots. And comfort zones I fall into. I keep gravitating toward men that feel “like home,” except that home never made me feel good or secure in it and it was definitely a place I shouldn’t consider settling in long term.

    Some warning signs I’ve finally learned to look for and walk away from:

    Lack of commitment to anything especially in relationships

    Not a great communicator

    Not being emotive with feelings

    History of cheating in past relationships

    Always looking for the “next best thing”

    These are my red flags. Someone else’s may be completely different. But they are things I know just won’t work for me and will eventually lead to heartbreak.

    What I tell friends when I see them falling into the same trap I often do is to ask themselves some key questions and to be rigorously honest:

    Is this person someone who embodies all the things that are important to you, or are you convincing yourself that you can change them? You can never change someone. Walk away.

    Are you attracting the same type of person you always do (the one who never works out for you and always leads to heartbreak)? If so, walk away.

    Does this person have all of the things that are on your “Essentials” List? Those are the things that are your “must haves” and are non-negotiable. For me, those are trustworthy, spiritual, a great communicator, and someone who is affectionate, loving, and expressive with their emotions. If this person doesn’t have your essentials, walk away.

    The best advice I got just this week was from a friend who knows my journey well. He said, “You know what. Just recognize that you are finally learning what your heart truly wants and moving closer to that every day. You’re walking away from people who aren’t in alignment with your core values anymore.”

    So yes, I’m learning. And I still have a ways to go. But I trust that the right one, the one who steals my heart for good, will show me how amazing he is for me…. the first time.

    Quarreling couple image via Shutterstock


    Dina Strada, an Event Planner, writer, and intuitive counselor and coach, is passionate about expanding consciousness and helping others discover and live their life’s purpose.  She’s a graduate of Boston College and Coach U, a corporate and personal coach training program.  To learn more about Dina, visit her website Essential Balance Healing.

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    When people show you who they are, believe them

    Maya Angelou and Oprah, in their pajamas, in 1997, talking about an important life lesson.

    When people show you who they are, believe them

    Wednesday, October 3, 2018

    Here’s Maya Angelou and Oprah, in their pajamas, in 1997, talking about what Oprah calls her most important life lesson: “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

    I was reminded of the line when Hanif Abdurraqib (author of They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us) tweeted about Kayne saying outrageous things:

    people are saying what they mean to say, and they are doing it with intentions. whether those intentions are to provoke attention or outrage or whatever else…. writers, inventors, creators, politicians. people who know what they’re saying and why they’re saying it. The great lie of people speaking without direct and clear intentions is one (of the many) to stop falling for…. when someone says some wild shit, I’m going to assume they know exactly what they’re trying to articulate & why. It is foolish for me to assume otherwise. Whether or not someone “should” or “shouldn’t” be speaking on something is beyond the point…. it’s hard to see people keep arriving at places of frustration or heartbreak or disappointment because they chased after the romanticized idea of a person despite that person repeatedly telling and showing people that they are not that romanticized idea.

    I’m also now reminded of this Paul Noth cartoon I clipped out of the New Yorker to explain 2016 if anyone is around in the future to ask about it:

    Source : austinkleon.com

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