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    how to leave a relationship when you are still in love

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    How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love

    If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, know that you can find the strength to get yourself out of it and move on. Here's how.

    How to Leave a Toxic Relationship When You’re Still in Love

    By Tiffaney Kennedy

    “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” ~Marilyn Monroe

    Why does it have to hurt so badly?

    You’re so in love, but your relationship has become toxic. It simply can’t continue.

    Night after sleepless night, you lie awake replaying the fights in your head.

    You can’t understand why your partner won’t change or how they can simply ignore how you feel. You wonder if they ever truly loved you.

    You’ve tried everything to save your relationship, but nothing’s worked. You know it’s time to end it, yet the thought of being alone petrifies you.

    But still, the pain has become too unbearable. If you don’t end things now, you might completely lose yourself.

    LEARNING TO LET GO

    Letting go of someone you care about is definitely a difficult thing to do.

    I was forced to accept that my relationship with my ex wasn’t meant to be.

    The lies and the cheating became too much to handle. And to make matters worse, he was also physically abusive to me.

    The blows were so unexpected. I never knew if the next argument would put me in the hospital, or maybe worse, be my last.

    I wanted him to stop hurting me. I wanted him to understand that his behavior tore me apart inside.

    I wanted him to change.

    It didn’t matter how much I loved him. It didn’t matter if I was the best woman or friend in the universe; nothing would have worked.

    Was he really worth all of this?

    No, he wasn’t. And I knew I needed to get him out of my life.

    If you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, know that you can find the strength to get yourself out of it and move on.

    REALIZE THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER

    Sometimes, loving someone just isn’t enough if you aren’t receiving the same love in return.

    It’s like putting work into an old, broken-down car. No matter how much sweat and tears you put into it, it will never be the same again.

    The time you waste on the wrong person prevents the right person from coming your way.

    How can they come into your life if you already have that space filled?

    It took me a long time to realize this.

    If you had told me back then that I would have found a man who truly loved and respected me for who I was, I would have never believed you.

    I had to let go.

    Shortly after as I let go of my abusive relationship, I met my husband. He is the reason I believe in true love today.

    I am living proof that you can experience true love if you just believe that something much better is out there for you.

    You may not know who they are, or when they will come, but they are waiting on you to let go so that they can come into your life.

    STOP WAITING FOR YOUR PARTNER TO CHANGE

    This is the biggest mistake a person can make when deciding to stay in a relationship in which you’re being mistreated.

    You have to accept that the only person you control in this world is yourself.

    Unless the other person owns up to their mistakes, and shows the desire to get help, they probably won’t change.

    They may promise to change and turn things around for the better.

    They may even be genuine about their intentions at that moment.

    But more than likely, things will stay the same, especially if they made promises in the past that they didn’t fulfill.

    Change has to come from within; it can’t be forced. Only then do things have a chance of working themselves out.

    I thought my ex would change for me. I thought that if I tried hard enough to convince him how much he hurt me, he would have no choice but to change. But I was wrong.

    Sometimes our judgment is clouded. Sometimes we simply want to see the best in someone. Sometimes we’re just so afraid of being alone.

    Regardless of what we tell ourselves, some relationships are just irreparable.

    ACCEPT THAT IT WILL HURT

    There is no easy way of getting around it.

    It’s going to hurt. And it’s going to hurt a lot!

    You’re worried about missing the feeling of being desired and wanted, the intimate and close moments you shared.

    Instead of being just a part of your life, they have become your entire life. You have forgotten how to live for yourself.

    Getting over the initial discomfort of being alone is the hardest part. But once you get past that stage, life becomes a whole lot easier.

    The lessons you learn along the way will allow you to grow and become a better person.

    The pain will not last forever. Time is your best friend.

    When I ended my relationship with my ex, I tried everything I could to distract myself. I figured that if I didn’t think about it, the pain would eventually disappear.

    When that didn’t work, I tried to think of ways to mend our relationship rather than end it. I figured that accepting the disappointment in him was easier to handle than being lonely.

    That was another failed attempt at avoiding heartache.

    At some point, I knew I had to accept that it would never work out, and any route I took to end it wouldn’t be an easy one.

    If you work through the pain, instead of trying to avoid it, you limit the chances of your feelings coming back to haunt you later on.

    Source : tinybuddha.com

    How To Leave Someone You Love (And How To Cope After)

    It's hard to leave someone you care about but ultimately can't be with. Here's exactly how to break up with someone you love, no matter how hard.

    Skip to content LOVE EXPERT REVIEWED

    How To Break Up With Someone You Love: 5 Essential Steps

    mbg Contributor By Bernardo Mendez Expert review by

    Weena Cullins, LCMFT

    @[email protected]#=img=#

    Image by proud_natasha / iStock

    Last updated on May 28, 2020

    There are few situations in life as disappointing as realizing that the person you're with is just not right for you. It's hard to wrap our heads around, but it's very common to feel emotionally attached to someone, strongly attracted to them, but also be aware, deep in your gut, that the relationship isn't a net positive force in your life. Nobody ever teaches us how to leave someone you love but can't be with. This process is different from how to break up with someone in any other context.

    So here are six proactive steps to prepare yourself for breaking up with someone you love and really move on:

    1. Get radically honest and raise your standards.

    This is the hardest part. In order to break ties with someone to whom you are very attached, you'll need to get uncomfortably honest with yourself. You need to be willing to look clearly at the things in the relationship that aren't working and also at the ways you've been justifying your partner's behavior or the relationship generally.

    Have you been lowering your standards and accepting far less than you deserve? Imagine you're helping your best friend gain perspective on their relationship. What would you be pointing out to them about their partner?

    Take a heartfelt inventory of how much pain, anxiety, sadness, and disappointment you've been experiencing (or suppressing). Accept that you are no longer willing to have that as part of your daily experience.

    Allow the pain of your reality to be fully experienced in your heart—as opposed to your head. This discomfort will start providing the necessary drive for the impending change that's to come. If you numb the pain now, it will only be exacerbated over time.

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    2. Separate the objective truth from your inner story.

    When we experience extreme pain in relationships, we tend to make up stories that allow us to stay in the cocoon of the relationship. That way, we can avoid feeling like we are betraying ourselves.

    For example, we may think things like, "I've never experienced such intense emotion with someone, so they must be my soul mate. There are always difficulties with your soul mate, right?" Or "If I let go of this relationship, I will never experience this depth of love with anyone again."

    The truth is that the attachment and dependency you feel may be intensified because of the "myths" about your partner and/or the relationship that you've had to create unconsciously as a way of dealing with the difficulties. Ask yourself honestly if the "pros" of the relationship you think about are a way of justifying it, despite your pain.

    In my coaching work with couples, I've seen firsthand the very destructive power of hanging onto relationships that aren't ultimately right for those involved. When you feel emotionally tied to someone who brings more pain than goodness into your life, you create a vicious cycle: attachment breeding fear of separation, which then fuels further attachment and codependency.

    In other words, you can feel completely tethered to someone, dependent on them for almost everything in your life, even if they are totally not right for you. For many, this is the hardest fact to accept in the process of realizing the need to let someone go.

    3. Realize you want to meet your needs at a higher level.

    Letting go of someone who's meeting several of your needs is virtually impossible to do unless you identify other essential needs that you have that are not being met or that could be met at a higher level.

    To get to a place where this feels easier, you may first want to examine the needs your current partner has been meeting in your life. From there, you can consider healthier alternatives. Is the relationship meeting your needs for security and safety? A sense of adventure and passion? Do you feel validated and unique by the way they treat you (some of the time), or perhaps it's more a sense of connecting with someone so you don't have to be alone?

    If you can start figuring out how to own your needs that are not being met, and subsequently realize that you can find a relationship that will meet your needs, the change can happen with much less pain and fear.

    4. Establish a support system.

    Life changes in the world of romantic intimacy trigger deep fear and vulnerability in us. Asking someone or a small group of people to have your back and be there for you during this painful transition can be the difference between making it with strength and self-trust, or not.

    This support group can include friends, family, coaches, therapists, or anyone who can safely hold a higher vision for you as you navigate through this difficult change. It's important to be specific with them about what you need in terms of accountability, connection, and heart space.

    5. Commit to a decision, and follow-through.

    If and when you realize that you've run out of options to fix your relationship, it's time to make a decision. If you take some time to brainstorm different solutions on paper for the logistical courses of action you need to take, you will feel significantly more empowered.

    Source : www.mindbodygreen.com

    Lovearoundme

    LoveAroundMe is dedicated to providing practical suggestions for your relationships. Read and embrace a better life.

    How to Leave When You Are Still in Love

    Relationship

    Published bySarah Wahab

    - May 25,2020

    When you are in a relationship, there are many other factors involved than just the love you feel. Being a part of a couple also offers company, friendship, and conversation - the things humans instinctively crave for. In the modern world, being in a relationship allows you to improve your standard of living by sharing income and expenses. If you happen to have children, then your partner becomes your family.

    Once you realize that you have to walk away from all of this, the impact can be devastating. It's further complicated if you happen to still be in love with the person you want to leave. Knowing how to leave someone you love facing all of these factors can seem impossible. You can only hope to minimize the amount of pain you feel so that you can move on with your life.

    How to Move on After Leaving Someone You Love

    Your heart might still be holding on to someone you love, but your mind knows that it's time to move on. Reasons for this can be as simple as you feel you've grown out of the relationship, or it could be because of something as serious as physical abuse.

    Whatever your particular circumstances are, learning how to leave someone you love is not easy. The advice below should offer you some help on how to go about this in the most healthy way so that you can both have closure.

    1. Do it face to face

    Once you've decided that you're ready to break up with your partner, it's only fair that you do it face to face. Your partner may have some things they want to say in response that will help them get over the break-up, and it's fair that you give them the opportunity to do so.

    Even though it is much easier for you to have difficult conversations by text or over the phone, unless you don't feel safe or you're afraid that their reaction might be violent, then it's best to find the courage and give them the respect of ending the relationship in person.

    2. Accept that you still love each other, but your differences are irreconcilable

    Some reasons why relationships end is not because of a betrayal or abuse, but something that can never be reconciled. If your boyfriend wants to have children and you don't, there is no compromise to this kind of conflict.

    If neither person wants to be convinced, then no matter how much you might love each other, it won't change these preferences. You can only accept that you don't want the same thing from life and, ultimately, you won't be able to make each other happy.

    Ending the relationship immediately is the realistic thing to do. These kinds of break-ups can be hard to accept at first, but the sooner you are able to do it, the sooner you can move on and find the person who wants what you want out of life.

    3. Acknowledge that there is a serious problem in your relationship

    When relationships become toxic, it can begin slowly. Neither person will know that their interactions and behaviors will eventually make the relationship toxic for one or both of you. Once you have realized the unhealthy dynamic between you has no solution, it's important for you to know how to leave a relationship when you are still in love.

    Ending things when the love is gone is straightforward. However, when you are still in love with your partner, then you have to be prepared for the heartbreak that will follow the difficult decision. Reminding yourself of the serious problem in the relationship and why it will never work will keep you strong and focused on moving forward with your life.

    4. You deserve better

    Leaving someone you love is so much harder when you're scared of never finding a companion again. So many people stay in lifeless relationships because they are afraid of being alone forever afterward. But everyone should know that they deserve to have a chance at real love and to be treated well by the person they are with.

    Staying with someone who makes you sad or brings out the worst in you is a mistake. It will prevent you from healing from the pain this experience has caused you and keep you from finding the person who is right for you. Walk away and don't look back. Trust that you have made the right decision.

    5. No contact after the breakup

    Old habits die hard. Picking up the phone and calling your partner whenever you have a problem is a habit. After calling it quits, you can no longer do this. It will be confusing for both of you, because you are still behaving as if you are together even after you've decided it's better that you're apart.

    You might not notice that you are using emergencies as excuses to speak to your ex, but that's what you're doing. It means that part of you is still holding onto the relationship and not allowing it to be over. This will only delay the process of you moving on.

    No contact for a considerable amount of time is recommended after a break-up. Allow yourself to gradually stop thinking about him. This includes no contact on their social media accounts. If possible, delete them so that you don't have to see their updates and pictures; they will only serve as reminders of the pain of the lost love.

    Source : www.lovearoundme.com

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