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    How Affluence Pulls People Away From Their Families

    Money and education allow many people to venture farther, without needing to rely on relatives for child care or a place to sleep. But that freedom sometimes goes hand in hand


    How Affluence Pulls People Away From Their Families

    Money and education allow many people to venture farther, without needing to rely on relatives for child care or a place to sleep. But that freedom sometimes goes hand in hand with isolation. Illustration by Alex Cochran My kids love my mom, but they haven’t spent much time with her—at least not in...

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    The Class Divide in Who Lives Near Family

    Money and education allow many people to venture farther, without needing to rely on relatives for child care or a place to sleep. But that freedom sometimes goes hand in hand with isolation.


    How Affluence Pulls People Away From Their Families

    Money and education allow many people to venture farther, without needing to rely on relatives for child care or a place to sleep. But that freedom sometimes goes hand in hand with isolation.

    By Stephanie H. Murray

    Illustration by Alex Cochran

    MAY 11, 2022

    My kids love my mom, but they haven’t spent much time with her—at least not in person. They videochat with Gramma about once a week. We Zoomed into her 65th birthday party in March, and the girls held the pictures they’d colored for her up to the camera. But they’ve never actually been to her house. I can count on one hand the number of times she’s babysat either of my kids. (It’s one time.) That isn’t my mom’s fault; I just haven’t lived within a day’s drive of her for nearly a decade.

    My husband is in the same boat, and many of our friends, too, live states or even countries away from their parents. So I was surprised to learn that straying from family is unusual in the U.S.: Roughly three in four American adults live within 30 miles of their nearest parent or adult child, according to a 2019 study. Only about 7 percent have their nearest such relative 500 or more miles away.


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    Plenty of factors affect one’s likelihood of sticking close to family: marital status, cultural norms, and geographic region, to name a few. But much of the variation falls along class lines. Adults with less than 16 years of schooling—which researchers often use as an indicator of socioeconomic status—are 54 percent more likely than those with at least a college degree to live close to or with both of their parents. There are also significant racial disparities. One study found that at age 45, the median distance between white adults and their mother is about 15 miles, but less than three miles for Black adults. Socioeconomic factors such as education and homeownership accounted for a substantial share of that gap.

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    Economic resources don’t just determine whether families can afford to go on vacation or attend elite schools; they shape how family members depend on one another. Living close to family can come with benefits: a place to sleep or get a free meal, or someone to look after your kids. But money allows people to forgo those perks for other opportunities—and to support one another from a distance. The result is that people with or from means are freer to venture.

    There are consequences to living both near and far. You might chase a dream job but find a disconnect with your loved ones that technology can’t bridge, or you might watch, with a thrill, as your baby grows familiar with your parents—just as you grow tired of their disregard for boundaries. Either way, class can shape the most intimate details of our family life—not just when we first build our own life, but forever.

    Highly educated individuals tend to move away from their parents, in part because attending college sometimes requires it. High-school graduates leave their hometown for Ann Arbor, Michigan; Boulder, Colorado; or, in my case, Latrobe, Pennsylvania, and many of us never find our way back. Education often then leads to specialization; depending on what your field is, a relevant job might not exist in your hometown, Adriana Reyes, a policy-analysis and management professor at Cornell University, told me. Without a specialized degree, by contrast, your job prospects might not be that different from one town to the next. “There’s less pulling you away from where your parents live,” Reyes said.


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    Families with less education also typically have less income and wealth, increasing their motivation to pool resources—and distance limits the kinds of resources that can be shared. People can wire money or catch up on work drama from anywhere in the country, but you can’t put a grandchild to bed or bathe an elderly parent from out of state. And relying on family can save you from expensive professional care services; that support system is one reason married women with young children are more likely to work if they live close to their mother or mother-in-law, and why young workers living in their parent’s neighborhood bounce back from job displacement more easily than their peers, especially in states with expensive child care.

    Read: The pandemic forced me into a multigenerational home

    People with more education don’t always need to depend on family in the same ways. Adult children with solid job prospects are in a better position to handle the rising costs of housing and child care, or a spell of unemployment, on their own. Well-off parents are more likely to be able to afford professional care in old age. And in the event that either does need additional support, money allows family members to help financially from afar.

    Source : www.theatlantic.com

    How Affluence Pulls People Away From Their Families

    The Atlantic - Money and education allow many people to venture farther, without needing to rely on relatives for child care or a place to sleep. But that freedom sometimes goes hand in hand with isolation. My kids love my mom, but they haven’t spent much time with her—at least not in person. They videochat with …

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    How Affluence Pulls People Away From Their Families

    15 likes•44 sharesThe Atlantic - Stephanie H. Murray • 2dMoney and education allow many people to venture farther, without needing to rely on relatives for child care or a place to sleep. But that freedom sometimes goes hand in hand with isolation. My kids love my mom, but they haven’t spent much time with her—at least not in person. They videochat with …Read more on theatlantic.comChild CareRace & EthnicityParentingLifestyleKidsMagazineThe Atlantic flipped this story into All Stories•2d

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