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    did christopher columbus have sex with manatees

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    Kid Narrates A Manatee Orgy, And It Is So Hilarious That Anyone Who Tells Him The Truth Is Officially Dead To Me — VIDEO

    Summer lovin' may have had you a blast, but I'm guessing even your best beach week story has nothing on manatees. Yeah, that's right. Manatees. Those adorable, derpy, gallumping creatures are having way more sex than you are, probably right now, and…

    Life

    Adorably Clueless Kid Narrates Manatee Orgy

    GUILLAUME SOUVANT/AFP/Getty Images

    By Emma Lord May 18, 2015

    Summer lovin' may have had you a blast, but I'm guessing even your best beach week story has nothing on manatees. Yeah, that's right. . Those adorable, derpy, gallumping creatures are having way more sex than you are, probably right now, and probably in front of a bunch of people on a beach, cuz they're kinky like that. It's officially manatee mating season, and I don't think there will be a single gem during this ~blessed~ time of year quite as precious as this little boy narrating a manatee orgy.

    Let me set the scene for you: A bunch of manatees are getting down with their bad selves in an orgy that puts every overtly-sexual display you've ever watched at Bonnaroo to deep, deep shame, under-the-sea style. To explain, during mating season, a female (or the "cow," in sexy manatee speak) will amass a herd of a dozen or so male suitors, who will basically follow her everywhere she goes and go to town on her—and this can go on for .

    According to the organization Save The Manatee, it is incredibly common for manatees exhibitionists to hump each other on the shore. People, like this adorable little boy, often think that they're playing, and others call in thinking that they're stranded. And yeah, they are stranded—they're ~caught in a bad romance~, if you will.

    Anyway, I'll stop making puns that get me evicted from the human race long enough for you to watch the video of this precious person who has no idea what is going on:

    Now that I've made you watch a bunch of manatees bang each other to remind you just how little you're getting laid in comparison, allow me to share some other manatee fun facts.

    Their closest living relatives are elephants

    Manatees evolved from the same land animal as elephants way, way back in the day, about 50 million years ago. No word on why elephants are better at keeping it in their pants, though.

    Christopher Columbus thought they were hot stuff

    During his expeditions he told tales of his encounters with sexy sirens and mermaids, which just goes to show how sex-deprived these poor sailors were after all those months at sea. Turns out most of those encounters were their first sightings of manatees.

    Manatees eat up to a tenth of their body weight every day

    Basically, don't leave your Nutella jar out in the open if you invite a manatee over. They can grow up to 2,000 pounds and they mean .

    Source : www.bustle.com

    TIL In 1493, Columbus mistook manatees for mermaids and wrote “they are not so beautiful as they are said to be, for their faces had some masculine traits." : todayilearned

    9.5k votes, 300 comments. 28.0m members in the todayilearned community. You learn something new every day; what did you learn today? Submit …

    Posted by

    u/IShootWithThisHand

    5 years ago

    TIL In 1493, Columbus mistook manatees for mermaids and wrote “they are not so beautiful as they are said to be, for their faces had some masculine traits."

    news.nationalgeographic.com/2014/1...

    300 Comments 94% Upvoted u/HoodedHorse · Promoted

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    level 1 [deleted] · 5 yr. ago

    How bad was his eyesight

    96 level 2 princelabia · 5 yr. ago Pretty bad actually 42 level 2 MickCruzer · 8 mo. ago

    Also have to consider visibility and effects of weeks’ isolation on sailors.

    2

    Continue this thread

    level 1 CHJFK · 5 yr. ago

    "The ass was fat though."

    345 level 2 ELESH_NORN_DAMNIT · 5 yr. ago ASS WAS FAT 69

    Continue this thread

    level 2 FelixITA · 5 yr. ago

    "That head still good tho"

    4 level 2 InvisibleBrigga · 5 yr. ago *THICC FIFY 13

    Continue this thread

    level 1 StarbuckPirate · 5 yr. ago

    Whatever. Columbus still fucked them.

    2.1k level 2 LordBrandon · 5 yr. ago

    You don't start a journey of exploration to not fuck what you discover. Ask captain Kirk.

    583

    Continue this thread

    level 2 frellus · 5 yr. ago

    Columbus went on to write, “Still, for queen and science I fucked the mermaids, the promise of living forever too great a prize I could not resist. That being said, my willie smells like barnacle and I do fear I have a bit of the sea clap.”

    34 level 2

    saving_private_parts

    · 5 yr. ago Oh the humanatee! 13 level 2 [deleted] · 5 yr. ago

    I can't remember where I heard it.. some shitty spike TV show or something but they said Manatees feel the most humanlike to have sex with. I really hope that doesn't urge anyone to go have sex with them though.

    8

    Continue this thread

    level 2 Probably_Not_Evil · 5 yr. ago

    Doesn't matter. Had sex.

    The manatees had to do the walk(the plank) of shame in the morning.

    32

    Continue this thread

    level 2 poopbagman · 5 yr. ago

    3 months on a boat with a bunch of dudes and even fish start looking good.

    6

    Continue this thread

    level 2 gRod805 · 5 yr. ago

    Mermaids have no genitals.

    14

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    level 2 [deleted] · 5 yr. ago

    Port was a long way off and there were no girlatees around. So....

    6 level 2 DropDatBassCheese · 5 yr. ago

    Barbara Manatee! You are the one for me! Sent from above! You are the one I love!

    5 level 2 jrm2007 · 5 yr. ago

    yeah, it sounds like he was at least thinking about it...

    4 level 2 [deleted] · 5 yr. ago

    What didn't he fuck?

    2 level 2 gijebus · 5 yr. ago

    We're still gonna send it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    1 level 2 Retrooo · 5 yr. ago

    Strangely, came here to say exactly this.

    1 level 1 Coffeezilla · 5 yr. ago

    The best historical advice about women still comes from Ben Franklin though,

    The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

    435 level 2 skeeter1234 · 5 yr. ago

    And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal

    That's colonial speak for they all look the same when you're fucking 'em with the lights off.

    348

    Continue this thread

    level 2 graspme · 5 yr. ago

    But I beleive that was a form of sarcasm.

    42

    Continue this thread

    level 2 atmylimitwithfools · 5 yr. ago

    I too have played Assassin's Creed III and have read a TIL repost or 2.

    10 level 1 Orsonius · 5 yr. ago

    Relevant Whitest Kids You know

    25 level 2 [deleted] · 5 yr. ago

    I'm gonna tie you to the radiator and grape you for decades and decades.

    2 level 2 5mileyFaceInkk · 5 yr. ago

    What the fuck is this show

    1

    Source : www.reddit.com

    Christopher Columbus and Mermaids

    Beachcombing cannot find it in himself to envy Christopher Columbus. All that salt water and all those incipient rebellions must have wreaked havoc on the good navigator’s blood pressure. But in one thing alone Beachcombing confesses to green-eyed rabid jealousy: the great Genovese explorer saw Mermaids, not once, but twice in his life, while the closest poor […]

    Beachcombing's Bizarre History Blog

    Beachcombing's Bizarre History Blog

    The outlandish, the anomalous and the curious from the last five thousand years

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    Christopher Columbus and Mermaids October 16, 2010

    Author: Beach Combing | in : Medieval, Modern , trackback

    Beachcombing cannot find it in himself to envy Christopher Columbus. All that salt water and all those incipient rebellions must have wreaked havoc on the good navigator’s blood pressure. But in one thing alone Beachcombing confesses to green-eyed rabid jealousy: the great Genovese explorer saw Mermaids, not once, but twice in his life, while the closest poor Beachcombing has come was a worried sea otter in the Scottish Hebrides.

    Beachcombing quotes from the Journals of the first voyage:

    On the previous day [8 Jan 1493], when the Admiral went to the Rio del Oro [on Haiti], he said he quite distinctly saw three mermaids, which rose well out of the sea; but they are not so beautiful as they are said to be, for their faces had some masculine traits. The Admiral says that he had seen some, at other times, on the coast of Guinea, where you find manequeta.

    (‘El día pasado, cuando el Almirante iba al Río del Oro, dijo que vido tres sirenas que salieron bien alto de la mar, pero no eran tan hermosas como las pintan, que en alguna manera tenian forma de hombre en la cara. Dijo que otras veces las había visto en la costa de Guinea, donde se coge la manegueta.’)

    Now Columbus’ Journal as it comes down to us is a bit of a mess. Not only was Columbus a mystic visionary who believed that he had found the route to east Asia [sic] with the help of the Book of Isaiah. He was also rather unsystematic in his thinking and his note-keeping. Beachcombing would have given Christopher a B- if he had ever made the mistake of straying into one of Beachcombing’s classes.

    There is, furthermore, the problem that  Columbus’ journal does not actually survive in its original form – a future burning library post? – rather we have a highly edited glossed version by that heroic Dominican Bartolomé de la Casas (obit 1566) from a now lost copy of the original. This might explain, for example, why a sighting of mermaids on the 8 Jan was transferred to the record for the 9 Jan.

    But Bartolomé was clearly basing himself on something that Christopher Columbus had written and CC clearly believed that he had seen mermaids so what should Beachcombing do with this?

    Well, one of the curious things about mermaid myths is that reports come in from  all around the world from ancient times to the modern day. This is presumably because: (i) a sea creature or a number of sea creatures can be mistaken for mermaids; and (ii) that there is something appealing to sex-starved sailors in the idea of bare-breasted mermaids.

    Certainly, Columbus after several months at sea would have been primed to see a woman bobbing around in the sea. But what was the masculine beast that he spotted in the Haitian waves?

    ‘The mermaids of Columbus are the manatis, or sea-cows of the Caribean Sea and great South American rivers. They are now scarcely ever seen out at sea. Their resemblance to human beings, when rising in the water, must have been very striking. They have small rounded heads, and cervical vertebrae which form a neck, enabling the animal to turn its head about. The fore-limbs also, instead of being pectoral fins, have the character of the arm and hand of the higher mammalian. These peculiarities and their very human way of suckling their young, holding it by the forearm, which is movable at the elbow-joint, suggested the idea of mermaids. (Markham 154,

    n.1)’

    Which opens up another mystery. What animal had Columbus seen on the coast of Guinea? To which our author answers:

    ‘The congener of the manati, which had been seen by Columbus on the coast of Guinea, is the dugong.’

    Nuff said.

    Beachcombing has learnt to stay away from zoological speculation. But he is going to offer, let’s call it, a parallel minority opinion. Columbus was, as Beachcombing wrote above, a mystic visionary. In his journals he records strange lights buzzing around the sky, St Elmos fire and much more that was mysterious. Frankly, Beachcombing thinks that Columbus could have seen three mermaids in a trunk bobbing around in the wake of his ship. Certainly, he would be the type that today would hear an ambulance passing and conclude that the Martians were landing.

    And Beachcombing finds it interesting that Columbus decided to head back to Europe the day after the encounter. Was this perhaps connected to the sighting? Beachcombing wouldn’t put it past the Admiral who, on other occasions allowed portents to decide his journey.

    Any other opinions minority, parallel or otherwise? drbeachcombing AT yahoo DOT com

    ***

    31 Jan 2011: Kandinsky writes in on the subject of Columbus’ eyesight! ‘Mistaking a manatee for anything approaching human suggests drunkenness or tall-tale telling. In his case, there seems to be anecdotal evidence that Columbus’ eyesight was indistinctly myopic by his final journey in May 1502. Statistics for short-sightedness in general populations vary greatly. 30% is suggested by research funded by the US optician industry…ahem. Nevertheless, I wonder how many exotic sightings from the past were an outcome of poor sight? Perhaps a poor diet exacerbated natural short-sightedness and combined with his ‘visionary’ perspective to ensure a series of misidentified mundane sightings? Eyesight is a rarely mentioned factor in historical accounts.’ This got Beachcombing wondering about other eyesight moments in history: any ideas? Thanks Kandinsky (who sent in the references as well)!

    Source : www.strangehistory.net

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