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    aita for not allowing my daughter to quit competitive dance

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    Mom slammed for holding upset daughter dancing

    Thousands of Internet commenters quickly called a mother who explained why she refuses to let her teenage daughter stop competitive dancing.

    News

    Mom slammed for holding upset daughter dancing

    Rick Schindler9 hours ago 12

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    Thousands of Internet commenters quickly called a mother who explained why she refuses to let her teenage daughter stop competitive dancing.

    In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITeA**hole, Redditor u/Primaballerina1992 (aka Original Poster or OP) said she danced as a child and understood the difficulties involved, but made the hanging clear Pulling up your pointe shoes is not an option.

    Captioned: “[Am I the a**hole] for not allowing my daughter to stop competitive dancing?” The post, since removed, received more than 5,000 votes and 3,000 comments in the last day.

    The original poster said her family had just moved to a new state and her daughter had previously studied French and wanted to continue, but was disappointed to learn her new school didn’t offer the language.

    As an interim measure, the teenager suggested taking private French lessons instead of dance lessons, but was immediately rebuffed by the original poster.

    “She came to me the other day and told me her new school didn’t offer French… and asked if I could sign her up for private French classes,” the OP wrote. “I told her that with her dance, she will have absolutely no time for it, and she is [difficult] a topic takes too much time.

    “She told me she hadn’t liked dancing for a while and was too scared to tell me, but she wants to stop dancing,” OP continued. “I told her she won’t give up dancing because she’s too good at it and I’ve already put a lot of money into it.

    “She accused me of living vicariously through her… and me [grounded] them for it,” OP added.

    For parents, passing on a love of certain sports, hobbies, and other activities is a labor of love and can reignite passions from a past life.

    But from competitive dancing — which Statista says more than 24 million Americans participated in last year — to individual and team sports, many parents make the mistake of living old dreams through their children.

    “Most parents encourage children to do things that parents enjoy,” reports mental health website Good Therapy. “It can be difficult for parents to decide whether to be involved and supportive or obsessed with pushing their children to fulfill their broken dreams.”

    Although parental support is often necessary to succeed in achievement-oriented youth activities, being there for a child and fulfilling their untapped potential is a fine line to walk. And when that limit is crossed, there are lifelong consequences.

    “Parents need to help … by helping children achieve their own dreams. When parents are unwilling or unable to do this, children’s emotional and intellectual growth can be stunted,” Good Therapy continues. “This can make it difficult for children to be successful as adults, to feel a sense of self-efficacy, or to make decisions without parental input.”

    Despite the negative connotations associated with quitting a sport or other competitive activity, separating from a parent’s passion for children can make a world of difference and should be honored as an act of individuality rather than an admission of defeat and wasted money.

    Members of Reddit’s r/AmITeA**hole defended a teen who accused her mother of living vicariously through her.

    gpointstudio/iStock/Getty Images Plus

    Throughout the comments section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed this sentiment and called out the original poster, ignoring her daughter’s wishes and the logical explanation for wanting to quit competitive dancing.

    “This is you not listening to your child’s best interests,” wrote Redditor u/No-Rub1544 in the top comment of the post, which garnered nearly 11,000 votes. “She told you what she likes, you don’t believe her.

    “I hope you believe countless people who think [you’re the a**hole] and a huge one [a**hole] to,” they added bluntly.

    Redditor u/Elfich47, whose comment received more than 8,000 votes, offered a similar answer.

    “Your daughter told you the truth: she doesn’t want to dance anymore. Listen to what she says,” they wrote. “If you let her keep dancing, the only result is that when she’s 18 she burns her ballet slippers and then goes to college for languages.

    “And she hates you for the next four years because you make her waste her time on something she will loathe,” they added. “Stop doing this about yourself, do it about her…she doesn’t want to dance.”

    https://www.newsweek.com/living-vicariously-mom-slammed-keeping-disgruntled-daughter-dance-1718731 Mom slammed for holding upset daughter dancing

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    Source : worldtimetodays.com

    AITA for not allowing my daughter to quit competitive dance? : AmItheAsshole

    5.1k votes, 3.2k comments. 4.2m members in the AmItheAsshole community. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place …

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    level 1 Judgement_Bot_AITA MOD · 2 days ago · Stickied comment Beep Boop

    Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

    I 5ink I might be the asshole because I won’t allow my teenage daughter to quit dance despite her telling me she doesn’t want to dance. AITA?

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    Vote level 1 tatersprout · 2 days ago

    Certified Proctologist [21]

    So 2 people already told you that you’re wrong and you’re seeking people to agree with you.

    Stop living your personal dreams through your daughter. What is your end goal for her? Something you couldn’t achieve. She already told you she doesn’t want to continue dance. Time and money. Your unfulfilled dreams. All on your daughter’s back.

    Do you know what normal parents do when their child decides they don’t enjoy a sport anymore? They allow them to quit and focus on something they love. Your daughter is going to resent you forever.

    YTA 2.2k level 2 chooklyn5 · 2 days ago

    That's my absolute favourite thing about this post. My daughter told me no, I went to husband, he said I was wrong, so I went to my sister, she said I was wrong.

    So I'm coming to the internet because obviously they're all wrong and I'm right, back me up random internet strangers.

    782

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    level 2 StopDehumanizing · 2 days ago

    3 people. Her daughter is absolutely correct here, too.

    113

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    level 2 36-Gauge · 16 hr. ago

    Exactly! Plus daughter told her she enjoys French and she says “doubt it” Way to completely disregard her.

    6 2 more replies level 1 No-Rub1544 · 2 days ago 2

    Colo-rectal Surgeon [37]

    "Doubtfully"

    This right here is you not listening to your childs interests

    She told you what she likes, you dont believe her, her dad, or your own sister

    Hopefully you believe countless people who think YTA and a huge Ah at that

    11.0k level 2 Fianna9 · 2 days ago · edited 21 hr. ago

    I couldn’t believe that. She put tons of extra hours in and did really well in French- but mom still doesn’t believe she could have enjoyed it. Just because OP loves dance and hates languages doesn’t mean every teen girl is the same.

    Knowing more languages is certainly a more probably career path than pro dancing.

    ETA- thanks for the awards!

    4.3k

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    level 2 LadyGreyIcedTea · 1 day ago Partassipant [4]

    The fact that OP thinks it's doubtful that her daughter enjoyed studying French really pissed me off. I LOVED Spanish in high school and it has served me well both in my nursing career and in my extensive travels throughout Latin America.

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    level 2

    Downtown_Evidence_46

    · 2 days ago 4 3 2 YTA

    Yep, it was that "doubtfully" that immediately threw you into the Ahole category.

    If you really want to push her, I'm sure you will eventually see some very pretty dancing... on the TV in the Community Room of the nursing home your daughter will stick you the first chance she gets. Will you enjoy it? Doubtfully.

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    level 2 Felidaeh_ · 2 days ago Absolutely this. YTA, OP.

    Just because she's good at something doesn't mean she enjoys it. Who are you to force her??

    171 level 2 ohno_spaghetti_o · 1 day ago

    Asshole Aficionado [17]

    And that dismissal by OP of her daughters teal interests is why her daughter never felt comfortable telling OP she hasn't enjoyed dance in a long time. Because OP wouldn't care and would still make her do it when she would rather follow her own passions for languages and culture.

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    level 2 mortuarybarbue · 1 day ago

    Agreed and when her daughter said she's living vicariously through her and OP grounded her. She totally is.

    60 level 2

    mysteriousbrightness

    · 1 day ago

    Not only this, but OP seems to be missing the fact that people who are polyglots and work with languages make a lot of money because not that many people are good at it. Her daughter is uniquely talented and loves that talent, but somehow she’s supposed to give it up for competitive dance? I was in competitive dance too. It was great. Then I turned 21, didn’t want to dance on cruise ships, and now I just have bad knees and a completely different career that would make me a lot more money if I only knew French.

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